In coming up with a name for this blog, I was very deliberate and intentional about using the word “through.” I love the nuance of language and word choice. I found several definitions for “through” and picked out the following because they express best what I mean by going through grief.
1) moving in one side and out of the other side of
2. continuing in time toward completion of
(Merriam Webster adds)
…used to describe movement within a place or an area (the italics are mine)
So, “going through grief” involves both movement and time. We’ve all heard the saying that “time heals.” Well, I’ve discovered that’s not entirely true. Time alone does not necessarily heal, but it does take time to heal. “Going through grief” also involves going in one side, and coming out another. Grief starts when I face a significant loss. Whether I want to or not, I am going to go “in one side” – and it’s going to change me. How I come out at “the other side” depends on how I spend the journey. The more I fight it – trying to avoid the pain by going around, under, or over – the longer I will be caught up in the struggle; eventually coming out bitter, defeated, and exhausted. When I am able to say yes to grief, accepting and riding the waves, and journeying “through” it, I come out of the other side changed for the better. Often, I find I am stronger, softer, wiser, more accepting; most importantly, my heart remains open, vulnerable, willing to keep loving. In the process, I learn that I can do this – I can go through what may have seemed impossible. I have found that allowing myself to be crushed and shattered by the magnitude of my grief, and moving through it, actually brings me to a place of strength and empowerment.
Blessings on the journey …through.